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Wednesday, July 17th, 2002
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So, being the dork that I am and never seeming to bring myself away from the past, I visited the web site for James' band. And that's like incredibly stupid because why would I even care about where they're touring after he completely blew me off? I mean, he was here last month - playing a show so close to my home - and I was nice. I offered to come, to hang out, to try to be friends again. But no, he wasn't even nice enough to respond. I'd have rather been told to screw off compared to nothing, just so I'd know, you know? Instead of always having to wonder what happened, why he won't talk to me or want to see me...
They're getting big, I know it. I can sense it..and I'm not even close to him. I hardly know him, when you think about it. I know nothing so why does this keep bothering me? Because I guess I want to know, want to be a part of everything he gets to live. So I see they're touring for a long, long time. And they're coming close to me again, on a big, big tour. And I can't help but think that so many people, right here in this area, will get a chance to see what I can't, what he probably doesn't want me to see. Does he even remember that I live here, so close, within such reach? I want him to, because then I'd know that I have one friend from last summer's trip, which would really mean a lot to me, even if it does sound silly.
And, even moreso, it kills me to know they'll be here and I won't have the chance to see something so amazing. I'm probably just overly dramatic and too obsessed with music and bands on the rise...but that's okay. It IS fascinating to me, and to be able to know someone who could be on the way to a place I can never go is awesome. What's the point of all this? I don't know. I'm just one of those people who can never seem to let go of the past, move on and get over it...
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Wednesday, July 10th, 2002
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I feel like I waste every day of the summer. For whatever reason, I feel this need that every day should be a great one and I should be having constant fun, always doing something. I mean, what's summer for, right? But it's just flying right on by, as I knew it would, without me doing the things I've been wanting to. I made a list of all the things I've done this summer (places I've gone, things I've bought, people I hung out with, movies I saw) so that in the end, it will hopefully remind me that I did do a lot of cool things.
So, today I went to the dentist. Always fun. Accomplishment: Almost 19 and I've never had a cavity in my life. Hooray! I also went out to lunch with Jeremy over his lunch break and paid for him. It made me feel good because he always pays for me, always buys me things, and it's just not right. I cleaned my room too, although it seems like I'm always cleaning my room and it never appears any cleaner or organized.
Countdown to Ocean City is SO on: 11 days
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I'm still in my pjs. hehe
What does today have in store for me? Well,Tuesdays mean that Jeremy is home at 1:00 so I'm sure I'll spend the afternoon with him. Maybe we'll go swimming!
Mom promised to take me to this little restaurant she likes so much so I can have pancakes for breakfast. If she ever gets home from running errands, I guess I'll go.
Last night I went to Circuit City and bought The Wedding Singer, Forrest Gump, and La Bamba. I don't care what anyone says, I absolutely love La Bamba. And I took it upstairs with me last night and watched it on the laptop in my bed and cried my eyes out. It was nice, if crying over sad movies can be considered nice. Anyway...
I guess I should go wash my hair and get dressed and all that. Yep.
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Summer is really going by fast. Two weeks from today me, Laura, and Jess will be at the beach and, for whatever reason, that bothers me. Maybe it's because last year's beach trip is still so fresh in my mind, memories always there to torture me. I don't know.
And, dude, the 4th of July has come and gone, just like that. Usually, it takes forever to get here and I get so excited to go see fireworks and whatnot. But this year, seeing the celebration at the riverfront, just sucked. It was the first time I got to spend the holiday with Jeremy though, since I was in Europe last summer, so that was a good thing.
Anyway, I'm pretty much not making a dime for the month of July. I've worked one day in two weeks. Ugh. But it's not like I can go and request more hours because if there's no events, well no work.
Jeremy really makes me laugh. He wrote me and e-mail today from work (aww) and signed it "your loving manly man." It had me laughing for awhile, at least. He really can be sweet sometimes, without even trying. Oh gosh, listen to me...
Emeril is on tv so I have to go! He makes everything look so yummy, I wanna scarf it all down! haha
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I have to say it is a wonderful thing to be able to wake up in the morning and know you have absolutely nothing to do all day. Or, make that all week. I don't work at all this week which leaves me with a lot of time to fill.
Yes, life is good. I get a big paycheck this week, we went to the beach yesterday and I am now the proud owner of a decent tan, and my only concern is choosing which CDs I want to buy.
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prnses's journal
awake.
hungry.